Stretch Marks

Sometimes the emotions I experience as a mother astonish me.  A recent example requires some background information.  Hannah had demanded that I walk her to class every morning.  Other first graders wait in the cafeteria and then, once dismissed, find their way to their classrooms.  When I encouraged Hannah to do the same, she assertively refused.  So I employed a tactical maneuver.  I secretly emailed her teacher, asking that she provide a note recommending that Hannah walk to class by herself.  Since Hannah obeys authority figures (at least all those besides me), I thought a message from her teacher would affect a stronger impact.  The first morning elicited uncertainty and panic.  Stress escalated until the crossing guard saved the day by asking for Hannah’s assistance in putting away the flag.  This happened the next day too.  I assumed this was another state of dependence; but at least I was now out of it!  On the third day, I suggested we preview how the classes organize themselves in the cafeteria.  This ratcheted up the tension, but Hannah humored me by looking it over.  We then decided to wait on a bench in the lobby.  As Hannah’s friends began to trickle in, I encouraged her to join them.  She repeatedly refused.  A few times she got off the bench and walked toward a friend.  But she would only get a few steps away before returning with a worried expression.  Finally, Hannah spontaneously hopped off the bench and matched her pace with a fellow classmate without even a backward glance.  Before I could lose sight of her, tears stung my eyes.  I was struck by a torrent of emotions.  I had been praying for Hannah’s confidence and independence, that she would feel comfortable walking to class without me.  But when it actually happened, a sense of wistfulness encompassed me.  I realized that as much as we want our children to grow into independent individuals who are capable of being strong without us, we simultaneously fear this eventual reality.  God designed the bond between mother and child to be a powerful connection.  Emotional stretch marks lengthen as children mature and become more self-sufficient.  It is good that we get a lot of practice with smaller separations before the larger milestones develop.  I can only imagine what a blubber puss I will be when Hannah goes away to college!